My Beard Hurts

I love Zack Galafanakis, and I'm seeing him perform next Wednesday. This guy could shit in a couple with another girl and it would be entertaing, probably 6,000,000 hits on the internet good. Enjoy the trailer Brendon sent me.

Word Up

Film History if I Had It My Way

Citizen Rib (1941)

Twelve Angry Ribs (1957)

2001: A Rib Oddysey (1968)

Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Rib (1969)

On a Clear Day You Can See Rib (1970)

The Rocky Horror Ribs Show (1975)

The Neverending Ribs (1984)

Spies Like Ribs (1985)

Big Ribs in Little China (1986)

Who Framed Roger Rib? (1988)

Ribs in the Mist (1988)

Driving Miss Ribs (1989)

Scent of a Rib (1992)

Die Hard with a Rib (1995)

The Ribcage (1996)

Seven Years in Ribs (1997)

The Talented Mr. Ribley (1999)

Bubba Ho-Rib (2002)

I Heart Ribs (2004)

The Assassination of Jesse Ribs by the Coward Robert Ford (2007)

Yar

Once, in college, I ate an entire onion (like an apple) at a party. My friend Brendon and I took turns eating from the pungent fruit. Later, I met up with my girlfriend at a bar and she refused to talk to me, to stand near me, because I was rank. Even I could smell Brendon's breath as we walked down the street, me trailing by about twenty yards. Some would say, "Dude your breath smells like the toilet in an Indian restaurant." Pushkin would probably not say that.

Today on the elevator I stood next to a man who's aroma resembled mine that night nearly five years ago. When I turned to him to ask him if he, too, had bonded with a friend and eaten an onion, he ended up not being there. In his stead was a small monkey with hair gel all over himself and a t-shirt with something so profane scribbled on it. So profane, in fact, I can't repeat it on this blog.

Shocking News

This Dr. Seuss-character looking man reportedly "has confessed to holding his daughter captive in his home cellar for nearly 24 years and fathering seven children by her," Austrian police say. This is one of those times that I wish people who saw him at the hardware store buying rope and knives had reported him. Either that or report his 73-year-old ass when he would get a table for one at Chucky Cheese every Sunday and order one slice of "the sticky cheesed pizza and a large soda pop." Nice picture, though.

Slap My Face

I love this. It's like the evil biker dudes from Weird Science moved on to bigger and better things.

How to Identify New York Neighborhoods By Things Overheard

Soho/West Village
"If Nadia doesn't buy that motorcycle, I swear to god she's not going with us to the Biennale!"
"Seriously."
"..." Claudia thinks and smokes.
"Bring the champagne, Sergio, and shut the fuck up about Venice."

Williamsburg
"Have you seen Harold's bike?"
"I know, so The Dreamers."
"Bertolucci is like Bukowski's happy phase."
"Bukowski had a happy phase? You should read my blog post on that."
"Lets go to that new organic chicken nugget place tonight with free PBR and Vampire Weekend glow sticks."

Murray Hill
"I totally date raped a girl last night after the BoSox game."

Upper East Side
"I totally date raped a girl last night after the BoSox game, then I went and walked my tiny-ass dog."